


5 Muggle Things Severus Snape Secretly Tried

by thequidditchpitch_archivist



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Comedy, Crack, Drabble, Second War with Voldemort, The Quidditch Pitch: Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-18
Updated: 2009-06-18
Packaged: 2018-10-27 01:46:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 435
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10799139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thequidditchpitch_archivist/pseuds/thequidditchpitch_archivist
Summary: Snape’s secret vices.





	5 Muggle Things Severus Snape Secretly Tried

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Annie, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Quidditch Pitch](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Quidditch_Pitch), which went offline in 2015 when the hosting expired, at a time I was not able to renew it. I contacted Open Doors, hoping to preserve the archive using an old backup, and began importing these works as an Open Doors-approved project in April 2017. Open Doors e-mailed all authors about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [The Quidditch Pitch collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thequidditchpitch/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** Based on an idea by Kosh

 

5 Muggle Things Severus Snape Secretly Tried

by Brumeux

A friend asked me to name five Muggle things Severus Snape secretly tried.  That’s a rather tough one.  With a Muggle father, and an abusive one, his Muggle upbringing was probably more extensive than his magical one, so he would have tried a good bit that wouldn’t be secret.  It’s really more as an adult when mixing with the prejudices of the pure-blooded that Muggle ways would need to be secrets.  (I was all set to start off with fruity drinks with little umbrellas, but Professor Flitwick had one of those at the Three Broomsticks in _Prisoner of Azkaban_ …)

 

1.  Red thong underwear.  It’s long been a contention of mine that JKR has given false emphasis to wizards’ unfamiliarity with Muggle clothes and Muggle money.  She’s done it of course, and quite well, for comic effect.  After all, very few wizards and witches can live in Hogsmeade, which means all the rest are living among Muggles.  Some, like the Weasleys, can live in relative isolation; some can get away with a reputation for eccentricity or full-out lunacy; but most have to live right in with the Muggles without giving everything away.  And there are many things, such as underwear, that the magical community would have no reason to waste resources on by duplicating Muggle work.  (Sure, there might be some items of intimate apparel sold in wizarding adult shops.  But not for everyday, and not for children!)  So unless, like Archie, you like a healthy breeze ’round your privates, you wear Muggle underwear.  But a Muggle red thong might well be a secret.

 

2.  Roller coasters.  Actually, a fondness for amusement parks at all would probably be a secret.  It would be quite contrary to the persona he’s built up.  As a matter of fact, fun in any form that doesn’t involve the emotional abuse of minors would be something to avoid the appearance of.

 

3.  B&B.  The drink, not the accommodation option.  Benedictine & Brandy.  It embarrasses him that the wizarding community has failed to come up with an alcohol or a potion that tastes so much like the alchemists’ desired _aurum potabile_.

 

4.  _Jeopardy!_  Bad enough that he secretly has a television and a TiVo or something Britishly similar.  Far worse is the knowledge of Muggle history, culture, politics, and general trivia that allows him to do so well against the on-air competition.

 

5.  Cybersex.  Let’s face it: with his greasy hair, sallow complexion, discolored and crooked teeth, nasty attitude and total lack of manners, dear Severus is not getting any in real life.

   


 


End file.
